wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Your cock deserves a montage
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
