Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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