I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
