haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
