I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
