What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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