I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
