That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
you never un-have a 4some
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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