theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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