the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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