grandma shit on top of the toilet
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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