dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
