So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
