I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
