I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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