Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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