I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
