i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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