I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
