I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
