I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
