so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
