Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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