Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
