Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
