worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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