Did you just see the Batmobile???
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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