I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I intend to get homeless drunk
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
