I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
