i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
