Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
