Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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