I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
