I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
