Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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