so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
