Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
