Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
it was like having sex with a tree stump
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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