Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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