then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
