i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
