Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
