do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
