Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
