Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
