I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Blood and glitter go together right?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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