you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
