i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
