I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
