I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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