I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
