She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
