What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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