I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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