You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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