White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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