i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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