Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
