You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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