So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
