At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
