What a fucking waste of an outfit
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
